I'm a Sugar Addict

I've come slowly to the realization that I'm addicted to sugar. I don't want to be. I don't want to have to never eat refined sugar again -- just as an alcoholic can never drink alcohol again. But I just cannot eat sugar in moderation. Oh, it starts out just fine -- with a piece of cake for my Birthday -- for example. Maybe the next day will go okay too and I'll just have one normal to large portion of dessert. From there it goes down hill fast and on the third day I'm thinking about when I can have my next sweet thing. This requires planning because I know I'm going to eat way more than a normal portion so I can't eat it anywhere someone can see me. Some of my latest venues have been in my car on my hour long commute home. I'll stop at the food store and buy a bag of Mint Oreos -- one of my personal favorite binge foods -- and eat one after the other until I start to feel sick. Anyone who has a normal relationship with food is shaking there head and saying "Yuck! how in the world could you do that. How disgusting". Hey --  know, I have those same thoughts, but I do it anyway. The craving and the need, the urge, is overwhelming. Another personal binge favorite is finding a time when my husband and daughter are out, loading up one of my favorite murder mystery British detective shows and sitting down to enjoy the viewing with not one, but two pints of Ben & Jerry's. It used to be just one pint, but sometime a couple of years ago one pint stopped being enough and I moved on to two pints. The ritual requires that I eat them from the pint and not from a bowl -- I know, I know -- I am deeply disturbed!

In early 2017, my Doctor suggested giving up sugar for a month to see if that helped me feel lest tired. I'd been complaining of being exhausted all the time and was getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night. So, I stopped eating food with added sugar. It went pretty well, though I was had bad cravings for the first couple of days I told myself it was only for a month. I started craving sugary things a whole lot less pretty soon, and fruit and other naturally sweet things began tasting quite sweet. And then it was by Birthday and I was out to lunch with a friend and told myself I could treat myself to dessert for my Birthday. The next day I celebrated with my family and a friend made me a cake -- and that was all she wrote. It just took ONE dessert to set off all of those cravings again and I was bake into the binge cycle again. And this has been my experience for most of my life. 1.) Realize that my eating is totally out of control. I feel horrible. Food is driving my live. I'm gaining weight. 2.) Resolve to get a handle on this usually by counting Weight Watchers points, or tracking my food and limiting sweet things. 3.) Eat well for a time and then slowly slip back to the bad bingeing phase. Rinse and Repeat.This is why I believe I'm a sugar addict. I just can't handle added/refined sugar at all -- and that include other sweeteners that trigger cravings, including artificial ones. Like and alcoholic I'm afraid I'm going to have to not eat the stuff AT ALL. This makes me pretty sad because if there is anything that we are surrounded by more than alcohol it's desserts, candy, cakes and other sweet baked goods. They are EVERYWHERE, and we use them constantly to celebrate, to make us feel better, as a treat, as a reward, etc.... Honestly I think giving up alcohol might just be easier! I don't want to have to go to this extreme -- especially going from a family of cooks and foodies.  We love our food too -- the savory food, and eating out and really enjoying a meal. My family are going to think I'm nuts and following some sort of fad. Oh well, I'm going to give it another try and get off of sugar. I just can't be controlled by this any more. My main motivation is that I FEEL BAD. The weight isn't even that big a deal for me at my age. 


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